Belonging

Here’s what I’ve learnt recently about belonging. I used to think that belonging was about being accepted by others. When I thought of belonging somewhere, I’d imagine a group of people who I wanted to be a part of and them including me. But that isn’t truly belonging that is ‘fitting in’, which is actually the opposite. Fitting in is assessing a group of people and changing parts of you yourself in order to feel accepted. 

I recently listened to Brene Brown’s description of belonging and it made me think a little differently. To TRULY belong in an external environment you have to belong to yourself first. You have to do the scary work of figuring out who you really are and fully accepting yourself and then you will find the feeling of belonging from within. Belonging is speaking your truth and never betraying yourself for other people. Belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are, it requires you to be who you are. Once you have that internal sense of belonging and understanding of yourself, the people who can accept that true version of you really will be the people you belong with.

So that is the theory. However in practice it can feel scary to open up to the vulnerably who who you are and not change any part of you around others but it is the most rewarding way to live. I have found myself dancing around with this subject recently. As we go through our lives and change a lot along the way, the people and groups we have known from our past also change. I am realising that there are times even as an adult that I have looked to change myself slightly in order to still be part of a old group. My latest discovery is the importance in those moments of looking the other way. Instead of changing, looking deeper within myself and questioning who am I right now and staying really true to that version of me. Some people may not align with this version but for those that do, the relationships grow even deeper and stronger because it is coming from true authenticity. 

So if you find yourself at a time of uncertainty about belonging, check inward. Meditation can be a powerful tool to start this journey of internal belonging and self-discovery.